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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28653876">What if I don’t want something that applies to me?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_Lover101/pseuds/Fandom_Lover101'>Fandom_Lover101</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Angst, Bisexual Julie Molina, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Alex Mercer (Julie and The Phantoms), Gay Disaster Alex Mercer (Julie and The Phantoms), Gay Pride, M/M, Soft Boys, he/they willie, non-binary willie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 14:09:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,535</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28653876</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_Lover101/pseuds/Fandom_Lover101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Coming out was always weird for Alex. It never went how he expected it to. Each reaction was different, including his own. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aka some Alex backstory and soft Willex</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>130</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What if I don’t want something that applies to me?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi :) I thought of one scene of this as a small headcanon and then it grew from there. Comments and Kudos are very much appreciated!! :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Coming out was always complicated for Alex. It always has been, and he feels like it always will be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The first time he came out, it was to himself. He was in sixth grade and he had just moved to Los Angeles. The boy that was assigned to show him around had floppy brown hair and sparkling eyes. His name was Luke and he loved music with such a fiery passion that it was infectious. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For his birthday that year, Luke got a beautiful six string light wood guitar. A dazzling smile stayed glued to his face for over two weeks. Luke talked constantly about wanting to make it big in the music industry, starting a rock band that would live on for centuries. Alex mentioned that no one he knew played any other instruments. Luke brushed him off and said that he would figure it out by the time high school rolled around. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A week later they ended up in detention for such a stupid reason, in Luke’s very outspoken opinion. Apparently, it was against school policy to climb up onto the school roof top and listen to your best friend play guitar instead of going to math class. Luke complained that there was nothing specifically </span>
  <em>
    <span>against </span>
  </em>
  <span>it, but they still ended up with a week of after school detention. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The only other person with them was another boy their age named Reginald, but  he went by Reggie. He had gotten detention for accidentally bumping the fire alarm and causing it to go off, as well as the sprinkler system. No one believed him that it was an accident. Reggie wore a black leather jacket that he practically swam in. When Luke and Alex teased him about it lovingly, he fiercely defended himself, saying that he would have a growth spurt any day now and that he would grow into the jacket. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They got to talking after the teacher dozed off and quickly became best friends. And as soon as Reggie mentioned that he was in the process of teaching himself bass guitar, Luke lit up so fast, Alex was nearly blinded. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A week later, Alex realized that he really, really liked Luke. Maybe a bit more than he should. Okay, definitely more than he should. And yet, here he stood, in the local family-owned music store trying to find a decent set of inexpensive drums. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He came to school the next day with a grin on his face that he could not seem to wipe off. He didn't have any classes with Luke until they met up at lunch. He walks up to Luke who is sitting at the Lunch table waiting for Reggie and Alex. Luke looks up and a stupidly attractive smirk grows on his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s up man? What’re you grinning so stupidly for?” Luke asks as Alex sits down, hands holding mystery items behind his back. Alex doesn’t really know what to say, so he opted to not say anything at all. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luke’s face was a display of confusion before it morphed into a look of pure awe, hope, and maybe some love as he caught sight of the pair of simple wooden drumsticks that Alex had brought out from behind his back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I- I- DUDE!!!” Luke practically shouted, drawing quite a few unwanted eyes. Surprisingly, Alex could care less. He was much more focused on Luke’s beautiful face and how brightly it lit up. “Are you gonna learn drums? Oh my GOD, you’re gonna learn drums! An- an- and with Reggie on bass we can start a band! Holy- we can start a BAND, Alex!” And with that Luke surged forward to give Alex a bone crushing hug that nearly knocked them both off the lunch table bench. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With his best friends arms around him, squeezing so tightly, it cemented in Alex’s mind. He liked Luke. He might even Love Luke, with a capital L. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Later, in the dead of night, Alex stared up at the rough ceiling above him while he lay in bed, thoughts filling his brain so much that sleep was nearly impossible. Exhaustion eventually caught up to his racing mind. Alex remembers one solid clear thought before sleep consumed him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He definitely liked boys, not girls. And he was okay with that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The summer before freshman year was the time the band started to be less of a far off dream, and more of a reality. Alex had gotten much closer to Luke and Reggie over the years. At some point, their trio had picked up another member for their band. Bobby was a rhythm guitarist and he had latched onto the new friend group within a period of six short months. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sunset Curve, the name they decided for their band, was a small but tight knit family. These boys were the lovable idiot brothers that Alex never had. Living with three sisters was rough sometimes, okay?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And so the second time Alex came out was of course, to them. He figured that if at some point, if he was lucky enough to have some sort of dating relationship with a boy, he should tell them so they aren’t too surprised. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bro, stop with the model strut,” Luke complained as he dramatically fell back on the couch from where he was sitting forward scribbling thoughts down into potential song lyrics. “That’s the fifth time in the last hour.” The statement fell into a groan by the last word. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Honestly, Alex had not realized he had been pacing again. He hadn’t noticed the past three times he started up yet again. He had more spiraling thoughts in this moment than he had in the past month, which is saying a lot for his anxiety ridden self. He was trying to work up as much courage as he could to come out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Man, you never pace this much, is everything okay Alex?” Reggie asked, face full of concern. He lifted his bass over his head and set it down on the stand a few feet away. He took the few steps towards Alex, draping his arm around his shoulders and steering the anxious drummer to plop on the couch next to Luke, who had since closed his song journal, knowing he won’t be able to focus anymore. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Welp, so much for writing new songs,” Bobby half joked as he too, sat down on the couch on the other side of Luke. He was met with a trifecta of glares. “I mean- Uh, yeah man, what’s on your mind?” He corrected himself, realizing that this wasn’t the best time for jokes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex took a deep breath. This was it. This was the perfect opportunity to just say it. He hoped he didn’t screw it up too badly. He just had to push the words from his brain, down to his throat and out of his mouth. So why was it so hard? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alex? Bud?” Luke asked after a time, soft concern practically spilling out of his voice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gay!” He blurted out, squeezing his eyes shut, as if that would protect him from any sort of negative reaction from his closest friends, his brothers. Seconds passed, but it felt like hours to Alex as his body tensed and he waited for a response. He couldn’t wait any more, so he sprang up from his seat and resumed his pacing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He wasn’t pacing for long before he collided with something. As comforting arms wrapped around him, he noted that the something he had crashed into was Reggie. His best friend had seen his distress and known exactly what to do. It wasn’t long before two more pairs of loving arms joined Reggie’s and Alex was in the center of a group hug.  Tears of relief and love for his band, his family, slip out of his eyes and down his cheeks silently. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We love you Alex, and this doesn’t change anything,” Luke reassured Alex. He pulled back just enough to wipe the tears away from the drummer’s cheeks. Alex just smiles brightly with love. He loves these boys with all of his heart and this support makes him love them just that much more. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll always be here for you dude, through anything,” Reggie’s voice came out muffled due to his nose being buried in the crook of Alex’s neck. Alex felt the warm breath on his skin and the warmth of the hug all the way to his core. He was certain that he would never feel cold again, as long as he had his boys and these hugs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep, and now I have even more of an excuse to punch Daniel Johnson!” Bobby joked, lightening the mood. All three other members of Sunset Curve perked up at the sound of Alex’s wet laughter, glad that their favorite drummer was happy and loved. They wanted to be sure that Alex knew they would always support him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A couple hours later, once they had gone back to writing new songs with much better success than before now that Alex’s mind wasn’t a jumbled mess of anxiety, Luke spoke up as a sudden question entered his mind. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Alex, dude, have you had any crushes that you never told us about before?” Luke was just genuinely curious, he had no idea how much of a loaded question that really was. Alex glanced to the lead guitarist with a sheepish smile, reaching up to scratch the nape of his neck awkwardly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, um. About that..” He started, trailing off. He chuckled awkwardly, trying to figure out the best way to word his next thoughts. “I, uh, had a crush on you, actually! Way, um, way back in sixth and seventh grade.” Luke just smiled and laughed a bit. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good to know I got some charm then.” Luke lifted his guitar strap over his head to prepare for the next song they were about to run through, but not before throwing a wink over his shoulder that left Alex more flustered than he’d ever admit. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He had come out to his band, and he couldn’t be happier. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Filled with love and confidence from the unwavering support of his best friends, Alex decided to come out for a third time. With such a positive reaction from them, Alex’s anxieties lessened, and he figured it was best to take advantage of this while he could. It took him about a month to come across a good opportunity to come out to his parents. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was helping his mom with the dishes, nearly glaring intently at the plate he was drying just to focus on something other than his worries. His father was sitting at the dining table, nursing a cup of black coffee. The three of them were carrying a small talk conversation as Alex’s younger sisters watched Disney movies in the living room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At the first sign of a lull in the conversation, Alex quickly put the plate down. Before his anxious mind could talk him out of it, he blurted out the two words he would come to most regret in life. Luke always said “no regrets”, and for the most part, Alex agreed. Except for this. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gay.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The room was silent, the voice of a Disney princess drifting through the thick air. The sound of a ceramic mug being set down on a table with a deafening </span>
  <em>
    <span>clank. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The soft, subtle </span>
  <em>
    <span>thud </span>
  </em>
  <span>of a kitchen towel that slipped from the boy’s fingers, almost as if it passed right through his hands. The quiet but sharp </span>
  <em>
    <span>hiss </span>
  </em>
  <span>of a shocked intake of breath. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His father was the first to speak after the declaration. “No.” He stated with a false calm, shaking his head. He refused to connect with the scared yet hopeful eyes that were looking at the man, waiting for whatever reaction he would give. He chose instead to look at the last drops of coffee within his mug. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“N-no?” Came the soft response past Alex’s lips. He was frozen in shock. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t look away. Couldn’t do anything, no matter what he tried. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sudden loud scrap of the chair as his father abruptly standing up made Alex flinch violently. “NO,” the man practically roared, “you are not some- some queer!” With long strides he made his way around the table to tower over the teenage boy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex curled in on himself, yet couldn’t tear his rapidly blurring eyes from the large figure above him. His vocal chords were no longer working the way his brain was telling him to. “B-but I, I- I don’t, um, think-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A loud, echoing </span>
  <em>
    <span>clap </span>
  </em>
  <span>rang throughout the kitchen. Alex’s head had turned to the side, eyes catching on his youngest sister’s drawing of their family taped to the refrigerator. He slowly lifted a trembling hand to the stinging pain blooming in his cheek. His skin was red hot, which made the ice cold tear rolling down his face that much more obvious. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The 14 year old boy looked up at his father with horror and fear. He blinked, desperately trying to clear the blurriness overwhelming his eyes. Two more trails of ice down his cheeks, one red and the other pale. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not in my house you aren’t.” His father’s glare was sharp as a knife and his words quiet in volume, but loud in meaning. The last of his breath left his lungs and face fell six feet under the floor beneath him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With a huff and a turn of his heel, the towering figure above left and Alex crumpled to the uncomfortably hard floor. The sob that he had been holding in escaped him and his entire body shook. He stayed on the floor in the yet again silent kitchen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His mother never said a word. Not during the interaction with his father, and not as he cried in the middle of the kitchen floor. She simply finished the dishes in silence, and left the kitchen to put his sisters to bed. To add salt to his already gaping wound, she turned out the lights in the kitchen as she left him there. She went upstairs to bed, turning out the lights of the main floor and his tears were only just starting to slow. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He finally pulled his now aching body off the hard floor. He stood in the dark and lonely kitchen and took a few heavy, shaky breaths. He roughly scrubbed the dried tears away from his cheeks, the sleeve of his hoodie left his under eyes raw. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He thought about when he came out to the boys about a month ago, how supportive they were and how loved they made him feel. The warmth of their hug that he still felt yesterday was snuffed out by the cold chill that settled in the depths of his soul. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With a quick glance at the grandfather clock in the entrance, confirming that it was past midnight, Alex pulled on his jacket. He quickly moved out the door and grabbed his bike. He yearned for the love and support he got from his best friends. He cried for the loss of unconditional love from his parents. He peddled hard, making his way to the studio. A place of warmth, where he hoped to get rid of the awful ice cold he felt in that moment. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As time went on, it did not get better. His mother never spoke another word to him, relying on one of his three younger sisters to pass off a message. His father only spoke to him when necessary and the conversation was always dry and tense. Alex spent more and more time with the band and less time with his blood family. The band became more and more of a family to him than his own parents. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex had come out for the third time. His parents were never the same. Three years later, he died. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex had, somehow, come back to Earth as a ghost, along with Luke and Reggie. He wouldn’t choose anyone else to spend eternity goofing off with than his two closest friends. He was only visible to Julie and the occasional fellow ghost they came across. So he figured he wouldn’t really have to worry about coming out for a fourth time. He was wrong. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The ghosts were just hanging out in the studio to kill some time while they waited for Julie to get home from school so they could have their regularly scheduled jam session. Alex was watching Reggie try and figure out how the laptop worked. Julie had left it in the studio to give the boys something else to do with their time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The large doors swung open as Julie came in, making a beeline for her keyboard and adjusting it to how she needed. She was buzzing with energy as she sat down on the stool behind the ivory keys of her instrument. “Let’s get started, I’ve got some great ideas I thought of earlier during lunch.” She said as she messed with a few chords that were running through her head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And they did what the boss told them. They had a really productive session, getting the framework for a few really catchy songs. They were starting to wind down and agreed to polish up the songs they started tomorrow. Well, the boys agreed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry guys, I’m hanging out with Flynn tomorrow after school,” Julie explained sadly, before perking up. She had remembered what she and Flynn actually had planned for the afternoon and her excitement from earlier came back at full force. “There’s this really cool pride event in town and we’re gonna spend the afternoon there.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All three boys' jaws dropped and their eyes widened. Pride event? As in, </span>
  <em>
    <span>gay pride? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Julie looked between the three boys, all staring at her unable to form words. It was at this moment Julie remembered that they grew up in the late 80s and early 90s. She loved her boys and they loved her, but would they still? The three shared a look she couldn’t read, and so assumed the worst. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I, um, I’m bisexual,” she declared, swallowing the lump in her throat that always seem to be there when coming out. “This doesn’t change anything, and I really hope you guys understand and if- if you-“ her thoughts started to spiral before Luke was snapped back to reality by the growing tremble in the girl’s usually powerful voice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, wait, no we- we love you Julie.” Luke comforted, moving closer and Reggie following close behind. Alex stayed right where he was, his racing mind gluing his feet to the floor. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re right, it doesn’t change anything. We’re all here for you,” Reggie said with a soft smile, draping an arm over Luke’s shoulders. Julie gave the two of them a small but bright smile. She looked back to the third ghost, a mixed look of concern and questioning, but still slightly guarded. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A-Alex?” Julie voiced, taking a second, before stepping around Luke and Reggie to stand in front of the boy in the pink hoodie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gay,” it was nearly a whisper, and had an odd tone of disbelief. Julie could tell he needed to say more, so she gave him a comforting smile and a subtle tilt of her head in a nudge for him to continue. He let out a heavy laugh and glanced up, trying not to let tears fall. “I’m sorry I just-” he shook his head, a sad smile forming. He heard a soft ‘it’s okay’ from Julie before gathering his thoughts to continue. He let out a slow shaky breath. “Last time I said those words I didn’t get the best reaction.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He let out a small </span>
  <em>
    <span>oof</span>
  </em>
  <span> as two solid bodies collided on each side of him, one after the other. He let a loud laugh ring out as Luke and Reggie’s arms squeezed him comfortingly. Julie, still standing in front of him, gave him the brightest, sweetest smile he had ever seen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Julie later filled him and the boys in on the progress the LGBTQ+ community had made over the years. Luke was ecstatic at the news that gay marriage had been legal for five whole years. Reggie was looking forward to seeing all the different TV shows and movies that Julie said had actual queer characters and relationships. Alex was most excited to see these pride events Julie talked about, and from how she described them, maybe he could even convince the others to look into booking a gig or two at some sort of event. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex didn’t think he’d have to come out for the fourth time. He was glad it was Julie though, and that it was met with love and warmth, just like with his boys. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He wouldn’t really call it coming out, but some might consider the fifth time he came out was to Willie. There were no tears and no “I’m gay” declared. It was natural. No stress, and no anxiety. But Alex wasn’t all that surprised, he always felt calm and comfortable with Willie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They had the studio to themselves, which they took full advantage of. Luke had tagged along with Julie to class to annoy her lovingly, while Reggie was in the house with Ray to “give the lovebirds some space.” Alex had promptly shoved Reggie out the door and slammed it shut, hoping to all hope that Willie somehow didn’t notice what had to be a very prominent blush on his cheeks. He never mentioned anything, so Alex assumed Willie didn’t hear or see that interaction. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now Alex sat on the couch with Willie on the floor, sitting between his knees and back to the drummer. They were having a casual conversation, talking about everything and nothing. The two boys were just happy to be in each other’s presence. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex had taken to playing with Willie’s long dark hair, running his fingers through the silky strands. He eventually progressed to braiding the boy's hair. He liked the repetitive motion that his hands could focus on while being close to Willie. He couldn’t remember a time when he was this calm and his mind not racing with worrying thoughts. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their conversation drifted to childhood friends and relationships. “Yep, believe it or not my sister’s first crush was this kid next door who I used to babysit,” Willie chuckled and shook his head. Alex let out a small ‘hey’ of protest at the movement, giving his hair a slight tug to get it back to the position he needed it. Willie smiled and kept his head still to appease Alex. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, you think that’s bad? My first crush was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Luke, </span>
  </em>
  <span>of all people,” Alex said, with a bit of his own disbelief. He realized minutes too late what he said, what he had revealed. But what surprised Alex the most was that he wasn’t worried. He didn’t really care that he just told this guy that he really liked something that had caused him so much strife. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, really?” Willie asked in shock, turning around to look Alex in the eye to see if he was serious. Alex was dead serious, no pun intended. “Luke? Like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Luke </span>
  </em>
  <span>Luke?” Alex simply nodded. Willie nodded. “Yep, you’re right. That’s worse.” And they went back to their conversation, and Alex’s braiding. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was no big deal made about his fifth time coming out. It was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Alex really liked that. It made him fall for Willie that much more. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was well after midnight, nearing 1am and Alex was bored. He was very bored, and so he decided to try and find Willie. He checked the bench where they had originally met. He smiled fondly at the memory of Willie’s dramatic (and hot) hair flip, and less fondly at the memory of the pain of being crashed into. He checked the stretch of beach they so often walked together, chatting quietly and laughing loudly. He checked the skatepark Willie often spent his free time, practicing tricks and impressing Alex. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was just about 2:30 in the morning when Alex checked the museum. It was times like these he was glad ghosts didn’t need sleep. He found Willie skating around various artifacts in the main showroom. Alex wouldn’t admit it, but he was a bit worried Willie would accidentally knock something over. Those worries passed once Willie caught sight of the pastel pink hoodie and skated over, passing right through a display of a set of ancient Egyptian necklaces. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, hotdog,” Wille grinned brightly as he kicked up his board and caught it in one smooth motion. “Whatcha doing here at this time of night?” Willie asked, tucking his board under his arm. Alex stuffed his hands in his pockets, shrugging sheepishly. He realized now how awkward it was that he spent a good hour and a half searching for Willie just because he was bored and couldn’t stop thinking of him and his beautiful face and his gorgeous hair and his-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dunno, just bored and got nothing better to do.” Alex said, giving Willie an awkward yet endearing smile. The two boys just stared at each other for what could be hours or minutes, they weren’t sure. Alex took in Willie’s features, admiring the subtle dimples in his cheeks, the soft tanned skin, his lips that just looked </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>kissable.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can- can I kiss you?” Alex practically whispered, not wanting to break the moment. He gently lifted a hand to softly caress Willie’s cheek, thumb hovering over that dimple that he loved so much. His gaze moved up to match Willie’s wide eyes. Willie leaned into Alex’s calloused hand, glancing down at the drummer’s pink lips. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he replied breathlessly. Alex didn’t hesitate to close the gap between them, not wanting to talk himself out of it. Their lips interlocked almost perfectly, slowly gaining a steady rhythm as they figured out how to best match each other’s warmth. Alex felt more than warmth throughout his soul, but a searing heat of love. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex moved back just enough to pull breath back into his lungs, despite a small part of his brain saying he didn’t need it. Willie’s eyes fluttered open, a blissful look on his face. Alex grinned at Willie with the power of the sun, but his face fell into slight confusion at the odd look that crossed Willie’s eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie stepped back, nervously looking away from Alex. He took a breath. “I need to tell you something,” he looked back at Alex, hating the way the concern and sadness mixed on his face. God, Willie hated that he was the reason for it. “Nothing bad! Just important to know before we get more… serious,” he promised.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Alex said softly, less sadness on his face and more confusion. “Yeah, alright, I’m listening.” He put on a comforting smile, pushing his insecurities and growing anxiety deep into his chest. He let Willie take his time to gather his thoughts and figure out the best way to phrase his words. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m non-binary, which means I’m not quite a boy. I use both he/him and they/them pronouns for myself.” Willie let out all in one breath. He looked back up at the other boy, waiting for his reaction. He couldn’t read the look on the drummer’s face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fight or flight.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This was very new to him. He was new to every aspect of this situation. It wasn’t Willie’s fault, he would never blame this on Willie. He blamed himself and his anxiety that was steadily rising.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fight or flight. One or the other. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Coming out was weird for him. He almost never expected the reaction he got when he came out. Someone else coming out to him? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Willie </span>
  </em>
  <span>coming out to him? This was an entirely different ballpark. It was all so new to him and his anxiety wasn’t helping.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fight or Flight. Choose!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Willie wasn’t just coming out in terms of sexuality, he was coming out in terms of gender identity. Alex knew sexualities and had a decent amount of experience with that. But gender? That was different and his anxiety didn’t like it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fight or flight.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Flight. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, um,” Alex had no idea what to say. His mind was scrambled. He couldn’t get any thoughts clear enough to turn to words and push them out into the tense air. “I, uh, realized that I’m late for rehearsal,” Alex spat out the first excuse that came to mind, thinking too much to remember that it was 3am. Julie was asleep in bed because she had school in a few hours. He gestured weakly over his shoulder. “I should- I should go,” he said quietly and poofed out, but not before hearing the clatter of a skateboard on the marble floor. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie had come out as non-binary to Alex. And now he stood alone in a cold empty museum at 3 in the morning. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>To say Alex was freaking out was a gross understatement. He and all of the band were in Julie’s bedroom. Julie and Luke sat next to each other on the bed while Reggie sat on the soft bean bag chair, strumming his bass mindlessly. Alex was pacing back and forth in front of the three. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what should I do? He thinks I’m a bigot and I’m just like my parents and I- I don’t-“ Alex buried his face in his hands, his ramblings turning to muffled spiraling. Alex’s hands had not stopped shaking for hours at this point and showed no signs of calming down. Julie stood up and stepped in front of him. She gently took his hands and brought them down from his face. Alex met her reassuring gaze with his tear filled one. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Willie doesn’t think that. He cares about you.” Julie stated, comforting him with a stunning smile. “You got anxious in the situation and made a mistake, it happens. What you need to do now is show him that you support him and apologize.” Alex nodded, letting the advice sink in. He gave Julie a look that said he was alright and she let go of his now less shaky hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, how do I show him my support in this?” He puts the question out there, turning to the boys to look for their input. They brainstorm a few things that Alex ultimately decides aren't good enough. Alex paces again, but rather than an anxious pace, it was a thinking pace. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What if we get the band to cover a song for him? Kinda like what we did for Flynn a while back?” Luke spoke up, excitement shown through his fast speech. Alex considered it, tilting his head and squinting his eyes. Julie nodded along, her mind starting to think through the technicalities of the idea. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but what song would we do?” Reggie asked aloud. Alex had no clue since they hadn’t been fully caught up on modern music yet. He was about to dismiss the idea and go back to thinking of a different way to be the best supportive boyfriend he could be, but then Julie’s face morphed into a look that Luke affectionately called ‘Boss Mode™’. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With a clap of her hands that meant business, she looked each of the boys in the eye with full seriousness. “You three meet me in the studio first thing in the morning,” she took a pause to give a little glare at Reggie who every once in a while was late to early rehearsals. She continued, “I’ll find a song and you guys be ready to practice it.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boys nodded, not wanting to argue with the Boss. Alex was a little hesitant, this was his and Willie’s relationship on the line, but he agreed. He trusted Julie and she knew just how much Willie meant to him and how important the situation was. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now get out, I have calculus homework to do,” she gestured widely at her bedroom door and the three boys walked through without even bothering to open it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alex! Pay attention,” Flynn scolded him, snapping him out of his thoughts. He had been staring at the device sitting in front of him, completely zoning out as Flynn tried to explain to him how it worked. Alex was lost as soon she started honestly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just- I don’t get it,” Alex sighed, peering at the various buttons in confusion. Flynn also sighed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine. I'll set it up, you’ll just have to push this button right here,” she pointed at a red square button. Alex nodded. He could handle that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie heard a vaguely familiar guitar riff from the studio as he approached the door. He couldn’t hear it very well because of the walls and closed door. He assumed it was one of the band’s newer songs that he wasn’t as familiar with yet. He knocked on the door loudly, hoping he was heard over their playing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alex? You said you wanted to show me something?” Willie shouted at the door, loud enough to be heard. The guitar made a sharp pang as it abruptly stopped and he heard the sound of drums stuttering. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Willie!” Alex called excitedly from inside, accompanied by a couple pairs of thundering footsteps as they ran to the door.  Willie heard hushed voices and a quick scuffle on the other side of the closed door. There was a “shut </span>
  <em>
    <span>up</span>
  </em>
  <span>, guys!” whispered sharply before the door opened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie looked between the three boys suspiciously. They were smiling too brightly and guiltily. They looked like a trio of TV characters that had been busted and were attempting to “act natural.” Willie didn’t trust it for a second. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Willie!” Alex exclaimed, again. He somehow seemed to wave excitedly and sheepishly at the same time. “Come on in,” He continued, stepping back and gesturing for Willie to enter the studio. He stepped through the door and took in the way the room was set up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drums were set up and facing the couch, as well as a couple microphone stands. Julie’s Keyboard was also set up by the drumset. Alex brought his hand to Willie’s lower back, giving him a nervous smile. He guided the skater to sit on the couch before he turned and situated himself behind his drums. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, I’m sorry I ran out on you the other morning,” Alex smiled apologetically, rolling his drumsticks between his palms nervously. “But, uh, this is my response,” he took a deep breath, willing his nerves away. This was for Willie, he can’t get nervous. He turned and gave Luke a nod, to which Luke nodded back and began to play. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The familiar guitar riff from earlier rang through the air and soon Alex joined in enthusiastically on his drums. Julie’s powerhouse of a voice came in next. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You've got a word for one,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So there's a word for all.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie sat forward on the edge of his seat, a stunningly bright smile growing rapidly on his face, no matter how he tried to stop it. Of course! That was why that riff was so familiar! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The smallest things have become</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Which side are you on?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie started to bounce excitedly on the couch, jamming happily to his favorite song. Alex noticed his reaction and his nerves melted away completely. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What if I don't want something that applies to me?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He started humming along, swaying his long hair back and forth to the beat. Alex was breathless at the sight. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What if there's no better word than just not saying anything, anything?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His lips moved to match Julie’s vocals, as he jumped up from his seat to fully jam out with the band. Alex kept his eyes on Willie and his hair floating absolutely everywhere. Seeing Willie having so much fun and smiling so much, Alex wanted to join in. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He made a mental note to thank Flynn later. She had known this would happen and helped prepare him for such a situation. He pressed the red square button on the device sitting on a stand next to his drums and the pre-recorded drums kicked in. Alex stood and quickly moved around his drums to dance with his crush. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You are fighting between a rock and why bother.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We are floating between two ends that don't matter.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie’s smile somehow grew bigger when Alex came towards him. He grabbed the drummers hands and started headbanging and throwing his hair all over the place. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So many questions get asked.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So many times when I don't have the energy I'd like to correct and react.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie stumbled for a minute, moving a hand to his forehead. Alex shot him a look of worry, grabbing onto his forearms to steady the skater. Willie just threw his head back and laughed loudly. He was headbanging so hard he had given himself a headache. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What if I'm not a part of the see and be seen?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Neither nor, both and me, in between, in between.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie threw open his arms as wide as he could and sang along to the lyrics. He closed his eyes and soaked in all the loud energetic music around him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We are fighting between a rock and why bother.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You are floating between two ends that don't matter.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie took in the energy of dancing with Alex and the rest of the band. He can’t remember the last time he jammed this hard with other people.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What if I don't want something that applies to me?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What if there's no better word than just not saying anything, anything?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie was breathless from jumping around so much, but he was so invigorated that he couldn’t really bring himself to care. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We are fighting between a rock and why bother.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You are floating between two ends that don't matter.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the song ended, the two dancing boys collapsed onto the floor, laughing the whole way down. Willie looked at Alex and the two shared a look of pure love. After a few minutes of the boys catching their breath and their giggles dying out, Alex propped himself up on his elbow, facing Willie.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>sorry about running out on you Willie,” Alex said softly, voice filled with regret. “I just want you to know that I care about you. Like, a lot. And I fully support you and I know that coming out can be a lot and that I-“ He rambled on and on, knowing he could never have any amount of decent excuses for what he did. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Hotdog,” Willie cut him off with a hand on his cheek, moving even closer to him. “I understand. This meant the world to me. Thank you,” Willie stroked his thumb ever so gently across Alex’s cheekbone. The blonde leaned into the solid hand, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to his palm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The two boys were so focused on each other, they had forgotten the world around them. Well, until Reggie spoke, ruining their moment. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Aaaand, kiss!” Reggie stage whispered, earning a smack upside the head from Luke and a glare from Julie. Alex blushed a bright red, opening his mouth to apologize to Willie for his idiot friends. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you heard him,” Willie smirked, gliding his thumb down to Alex’s lips. He ran the pad of his thumb over the drummer’s bottom lip and hooked his pointer finger under his chin. Alex melted into Willie, connecting their lips. Somehow it felt even more magical the second time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At the sound of his best friends' rowdy cheers and whistles, Alex grinned stupidly against Willie’s lips, causing the other boy to smile just as brightly. Alex leaned his forehead on Willie’s and the two boys relished the closeness and love radiating off each other and feeding into the other's energy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex was starting to think that maybe coming out wasn’t all that bad. Certainly not as bad as he originally thought. </span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They were in the middle of a run through of Stand Tall when Flynn interrupted them by bursting through the large door of the studio dramatically. She stands in front of them, hands on hips, waiting for them to stop playing. It reminds Alex of the time Julie did something similar that first night they met. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They stop quickly, knowing from past experience an angry Flynn is a scary Flynn. She smiles brightly once they do. “Julie and The Phantoms is booked to perform at none other than…” she pauses for dramatic effect and Alex takes the opportunity to give her a quick drumroll. Flynn gives him an appreciative look before continuing. “Los Angeles Pride!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The various band members cheer loudly. Julie nearly tackles Flynn to the ground in a fierce hug. Luke and Reggie try and fail at a chest bump like the idiots they are. Alex just stares in shock for a minute, before a blinding smile grows across his face. To say Alex was a little excited was a huge understatement. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then Alex had an ingenious idea, which he promptly shared. “Hey, what if we play that song from the other day?” The band wholeheartedly agreed, remembering how fun that song was to play. They remembered how Alex wasn’t anxious at all and was just jamming with Willie, having the time of their afterlives. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“One problem,” Flynn interrupted their agreements, yet again. “None of you are non-binary. And you cannot sing an enby anthem like that at pride if you’re all cis.” She locks eye contact with each of them, whose faces had fallen. And then Alex had another ingenious idea to match his previous one. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What if I ask Willie to sing it and we play?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And so the next day, Alex and Willie are causally walking down their regular stretch of beach. Their conversation drifted to the band. Alex excitedly told him about their upcoming gig at pride.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That's amazing, hotdog! Can’t wait to see you sing some super gay songs,” Willie grinned and chuckled a bit, a picture of Alex performing YMCA with the rest of the band popping up in his minds eye. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Actually, we wanted to add that song I showed you yesterday to our set list for it,” Alex explained. He stopped his casual stroll to face Willie head on. Willie soon did the same, a soft look of confusion on his face. “The problem is, we can’t sing it because none of us are non-binary,” he explained, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie’s face fell slightly, he was looking forward to seeing Alex’s bright smile and laughter when drumming his heart out during one of his favorite songs. But Alex’s next words threw the skater for a loop. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So we were wondering if you’d wanna do vocals for it while we play?” Alex asks, voice jumping up an octave or two in nervousness. Willie immediately decided that he absolutely would love to. He pretended to think it over for a moment. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ok fine,” Willie agreed, and Alex lit up. Willie held up a single finger. “On one condition.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The crowd cheered as the last notes of Finally Free rang into the air. The boys took a quick bow as Flynn stepped up to the mic to announce their next song. Alex set up the device he still didn’t really know the name of next to his drum set. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright Everyone! Give it up for Julie and the Phantoms!” Flynn called out and the crowd's dying cheers rose again. Alex moved to the side of the stage, searching for Willie. Once he found the long haired boy decked out in rainbow garb, he grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the stage. Willie let it happen, excited to perform with the blonde. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Flynn’s announcing the song now!” Alex told Willie in a hushed voice. He gave the skater a quick kiss on the cheek for luck and let go of his hand so he could move to front and center stage. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This next song is an anthem for any non-binary folks out there,” Flynn is greeted by loud cheers, she absorbs the energy and thrives off of it. “Now, because none of the band members are non-binary, we have a guest coming up for the vocals.” Flynn gestured to Willie, who stepped up to his mic. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s up, guys, I’m Willie and I use he/they pronouns,” the crowd goes wild. “We’ll be covering one of my favorite songs in existence, hope you guys like it too.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Willie nods to Luke who starts off with that iconic guitar riff. Alex pressed that red square button to start his pre-recorded drums at the very beginning of the song. He spent the entire song jamming with Willie as he sang his heart out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex was so in love with Willie. The way his hands were gentle, yet solid. The way his smile blinded him, yet he could never look away. The way he called him hotdog to annoy him, yet he wouldn’t trade it for the world. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And If there were stolen kisses and whispered ‘I love you’s during the instrumentals, that was their business. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A lot of this is me projecting lol<br/>Also the song used is called they/them/theirs by Worriers it’s my favorite song because it’s a rock song about being enby :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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